In the "good old days" (which often weren't so good), most of us died relatively poor. We might hopefully have been rich in life accomplishments, and family or friends, but financially speaking there often wasn't a whole lot left to divvy up among those who survived us.
With significant increases in home ownership, and especially significant rises in the equity held in those homes in Canada's major urban centres, if you die owning a mortgage-free house, you now often die rich. Plus there may be life insurance and investments to distribute. This is all great for one's survivors, but not so great if family relationships are already a little strained at the time of passing.
In the old days, even if beneficiaries of estates were inclined to squabble over who got what, they did not often retain legal counsel to do so if the legal fees would outweigh the money in dispute. But now with estates frequently running into the hundreds of thousands of dollars (or more) in value, "lawyering up" is becoming more common.
As an estate litigation and dispute settlement lawyer, I've found having some background in drafting wills and powers of attorney for clients has helped me assist families in deescalating disputes before they start, and managing disputes if they are already ongoing. Here I offer you five basic but key tips to deescalating actual or potential estate family feuds.
Tip #1: Picking the right executor for your will may be more important than picking the right beneficiaries. I find people often spend months of time debating who should or should not receive that prized china tea cup in a will, but spend about five minutes (literally) determining who should act as executor and estate trustee. Your executor is THE key player who will determine whether your estate is distributed hassle free, or with acrimony and lawyer involvement. Picking someone who is relatively impartial (and ideally not a major beneficiary, but who is compensated for his or her effort), and has people skills, is the usually the best strategy.
Tip #2: Don't completely exclude anyone who is deserving from your will. The more people you "cut out" of your will who might usually be expecting a gift, the more you heighten the chances for one of them challenging the will. You definitely don't need to treat everyone equally (at least under Canadian common law, as in Ontario), but if you have three children, and you give two of them $100,000 each, and the third one nothing, you are asking for trouble. Even if you have good reasons for doing so.
Tip #3: Once a dispute has started, quickly get legal advice but try to prevent it going to court. A lawyer's opinion is a bargain compared to the hassle and expense it can later save you. However, dragging a case (or being dragged) into court is never a bargain, and will take at least months and possibly years to resolve. Once that litigation freight train starts heading down the track, it can be very difficult to apply the brakes.
Tip #4: If you are in court, keep open a dialogue with the other side(s). While this tip might appear obvious, my experience is that many assume that once a matter is in court, they should just "let the court sort it out" and stop speaking to the other parties. It's unlikely a court will actually be able to sort it out in a definitive way - a court might clarify the issues, and resolve some of them, but definitive resolution could require many, many years since even if you are successful at trial, an appeal is possible, so keep the lines of communication open.
Tip #5: If you are involved in a contested court hearing, ensure you have solid evidence to support your position beyond just your oral testimony. It's reasonable to assume that judges want to make "just" and "fair" decisions, but they can only do so based on the law and evidence before them. Even if the law is on your side (for example, that a properly executed will is valid), prepare to back up your position with lots collateral evidence. Judges love documents - as they're less likely to lie than witnesses - so try to produce some supporting your position. Other witnesses backing up testimony will also help. You might also need expert witnesses. You will make your legal bill lower and greatly increase of your chances of success in court by helping you lawyer locate the documents and witnesses you need to present a compelling case.